That's The Way To Stick It To The "Man"

Riding on the "L" can be an experience at times. For all of you out of towners the "L" is a train system that runs through the city sort of like the subway. The only difference is that the "L" runs underground and above ground.
You can see some strange things and at the same time get anywhere and everywhere in this city called Chicago.

I was riding the "L" and two boys got on. They were about 10 or 11 years old. They were going from car to car. They stopped on the car I was on. They starting dancing, pop locking, and foot working (a popular dance in Chicago featured in the beginning of Missy's new "Loose Control" video, that crazy legs looking dance). This was their hustle. The boys were doing there best to impress this white dude. They were all in his face.

NOW PAY ATTENTION!!!.... This all happens fast.

The train started to slow down.

I thought to myself, "Hmmm... They are awfully close to him....Damn they are all in his face."

The train pulled into the station.

The white guy said to the two young boys, "C'mon guys, give me a break."

The boys stopped dancing.

The train stopped, the doors opened.

The taller of the two boys PUNCHED THE HELL out of the white dude's face.

Both boys ran from the train.

The doors closed right behind them.

The white guy just sat there.
I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. I laughed as I got off the "L." I laughed when I got home. I laughed as I told my sisters. I'm laughing now!

I'm telling you this is the mad real world.

Thank You Tweet

If you ever get a chance check out Tweet's new CD it's called "It's Me Again." This album is banging I enjoy all the songs but because of the circumstances of my recent situation one song in particular is really hitting the spot for me. It's call "You." Check out the lyrics. This chick is on point.

See, I was lookin' for a love to call mine
But instead I found you
And it was just a true waste of my time
In love if we mess up (so), but how come with you?

See, I was lookin' for a love to call mine
But instead I found you
And it was just a true waste of my time
In love if we mess up (so), but how come with you?
Sometimes I flip and ask myself why it had to be you
But then I get a grip, it was all a lie
And love was so precious until I met you

I don't know why I saw a prize in you,
Every night I close my eyes, oh it's alright
I lose my sight of you

Someone is bound to come along in due time
And do better than you
And I won'’t be left alone, he'’ll love me for life
And surely not careless, selfish like you
How the strength in me has grown
And I realize I don'’t need you
Disrespect you'’ve shown, you can run and hide
But all of what happened will come back to you

I don't know why I saw a prize in you,
Every night I close my eyes, oh it'’s alright
I lose my sight of you

Oh, I'’m movin'’ on, yeah
Makin a new start, yeah
I will live my life and surely it won't be with you

I don'’t know why I saw a prize in you, you
Every night I close my eyes, oh it's alright
I lose my sight of you

I don'’t know why
It'’s not about you no more

The storm clouds are moving in the mad real world.

Enough Of This Shit

Alright check this out. Lately I have been doing the whinny broad thing. You know the deal, broke up with my boyfriend now I'm all sad but ENOUGH!

I REFUSE ...I REFUSE... I RE FU SE

I refuse to do it any longer. Yeah we were together a year and it was good....blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine,....but so what its over now. That dude ain't thinking 'bout trying to get back with me. So I don't know why I'm thinking about getting back with him. I'm sitting over here, like a dumb ass, wondering what the fuck he's doing or is there someone else? Can you believe that?

Maannnn, oh well if there is someone else. I don't give a fuck. I was good to that dude faithful, honest, loyal, open....I have nothing to be sad about. If he can't see the goodness that is I, oh well, I can't make him. Check ya glasses bro.

THE MOVING TRUCK IS PACKED AND I AM MOVING ON!

Bye bye old home...I'll miss you, but you obviously couldn't handle my needs. I see some homes that meet my requirements. I'm going to check them out.

THIS IS THE STORM STEP ASIDE, MAKE WAY FOR MY PEACE!

I'm telling you this is the mad real world.

Has Anyone Seen My Credit Card? The Conclusion

This bitch is about to get it. I am going to beat her burnt black ass. I can't believe that bear-rilla had the nerve to take my shit.

That ho must be the dumbest criminal in America. She took her lazy black ass right down the street from the house. I know she's dumb because a real criminal doesn't by milk, potato chips, and candy when they still a credit card. However, she did try and pay her Nextel phone bill with my shit.

I told my mother what happened. She wanted to tell the Landlord. The people who live upstairs are the Landlord's cousins. Our building is relatively peaceful so this really caught us and the Landlord by surprise. We told her the story and she called upstairs. She wanted to talk to the girl's mother, she wasn't there. She called the mother on her cell phone and told her the story. The thief's mother said, "Tell them to do whateva they have to do."

Her mother straight gave us permission to do whatever to her ass. That club hoppin' jesabel was about to get, but a plan was developing in my brain. I decided to flex my brain power a bit and trap this broad.

I called the cops. I had her charged with theft, forgery, and mail tampering. She of course hid from the MAN when they tried to arrest her. The next day she came downstairs and apologized to my mother. My mother in turn told her it was me she needed to apologize to.

The district attorney called me a day later and said that they were going to charge her with a misdemeanor and two felonies. I was like perfect. I took the info that the attorney gave me and went upstairs. I told that broad what was up. I told her she was going to end up in a federal prison washing some big broads drawz unless.......She came up with some cash.

I told her, "I don't need to hear any apologies or any of that sorry shit. What I do need is to know how much your freedom is worth to you. Come up with a dollar amount and I'll let you know if that is good enough. I'll be back tomorrow."

She said okay. I went back upstairs the next day, she came up with a pathetic number. She spent less than $20 bux off of my card. She said she would give me $120. I laughed and said that's interesting but my figure was a little bit more gangsta and at the same time reasonable. I told her I needed $300. I figured a hundred dollars for each charge. She said okay and I thought of course it is okay you don't want to go to jail, do you?

So anyway the broad ended up giving me money when in the beginning she was trying to take money. Ha!

I'm telling you this is the mad real world.

Is it really over?

After a year my boyfriend and I have broken up.

We broke up this past Sunday, Father's day.

I must say it was the most civilized break up I have ever had. I'll admit I miss him even now. I want to see him right now. Truly if I could get back with him....I would.

I'm not sure what is in the cards for me, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

This is a sad day in the mad real world.

Has Anyone Seen My Credit Card? Part Two

I walked into the Jackson Citco pulled off my sunglasses and looked Akbah square in his eye and told him, "According to my credit card company someone has been fraudulently using my credit card at this gas station."
"Oh they couldn't have used it in the store, they probably used it at the pump to get some gas," said the noisy security guard.

I turned to him and said, "I doubt it. The amount of money that was spent isn't a clear cut dollar amount. Usually when someone is purchasing gas they get $5, $10, or $20. This person spent $3.79 I really doubt they bought gas. I would like to see the signature on the receipts." I know my Uncle's handwriting when I see it.

The manager pulled out the receipts. I showed him my id with my true signature and it was obvious to him that I didn't sign for it. He politely asked if I wanted to see the security tape for the day and times of the purchases. I said sure.

This really tripped me out...When I went into the back of the store they had the hook up. They had laptop computers, the cameras were digital so you could zoom in on whomever, they were real high tech. I was like damn...They got it all.

Anyway, he pulled up the time and he paused the tape and said, "This is the person who used your card." To my amazement it was the girl who stayed upstairs from me. Immediately I had a nasty thought...This bitch was trying to rob me blind. Thank God she was one of the dumbest criminals in America and went right down the street from the house where they have like 10 cameras in the store.

To be continued....You know I had to confront this chick.

Has Anyone Seen My Credit Card? Part One

This just happened to me...I couldn't believe it.

"Hmmm....I activated my credit card two weeks ago online. The actual card hasn't gotten here yet. That's weird. I think I should call the credit card company and see what going on."

RING!

"Columbus Trust Master Card how may we help you?"

"I applied for a credit card, was approved, and activated my card online and I have yet to receive my card and it has been more than the allotted 5 to 10 business days. "
"May I have your credit card number?"

"Sure its 5555 5555 5555 5555."

"Okay hold on while I check the status of the card."

"Okay."

"Ms. Anderson?"

"Yep. That's me."

"Well that card should have been there 3 days ago."

"Well I don't have it."

"Let me check and see if it is in use."

"Okay."

"There were transactions made on the 17th, 18th, and 19th. Three were made at the Jackson Citco. One at 11:26am for $3.79, another at 11:28am for $8.59, and one more at 7:01pm for $5.79."

"Jackson Citco. The gas station? That's right down the street from my house!"

"There was another transaction attempt at a Nextel dealer."

"Nextel?" Man I am gonna whoop somebody's ass. "Really? When was this?"

"That was yesterday but it didn't go through."

"Well like I said I never received the card."

"Okay Ms. Anderson we'll send out another card, cancel the old one, and mark it in our system as stolen."

"Great. Thank you."

"Is there anything else we can do for you today?"

"No. Goodbye."

"Bye."

Jackson Citco. Man I wonder who the hell has my credit card. Man it had better not be Uncle Paul or else man....I'm gonna beat his old ass. When I get down to this Citco I bet not see his ass on the security tape.

Rocks, Blows, and Loose Squares...Hey Uncle Paul What Are You Doing?

Okay if you read my profile it says I am passive aggressive, well this story right here will help prove that fact. I let my uncles get away with bloody murder, it takes a while for me to snap but when I do everything comes out.

I walked into my bedroom (I still live at home with my mother and sisters) to find my Uncle Paul doing lines of heroin on my Jill Scott CD case. See ya'll not hearing me.

MY UNCLE PAUL WAS DOING LINES OF HEROIN ON MY
JILL SCOTT CD CASE!!!

I was like what the hell man. Not my Jill Scott CD C'mon man, is anything not holy. Then I imagined Jill Scott when she made that CD, I'm sure she wasn't thinking, "One day someone will use this case to do lines of heroin on, I am so proud and so glad I could help the addicted."

Uncle Paul sales blows (heroin) but pretends to be selling loose squares (individual cigarettes). I am constantly thinking those famous words of Ice Cube's character Craig in the movie Friday. He turns to Smokie and says, "How you gonna sale weed and you smoke it?" Smokie replies, "I don't know I hadn't figured that part out yet."

My uncle, unlike Smokie, has figured it out. What he does is he takes a little bit of blow from each packet he has and puts it to the side for himself, as a replacement to the dust he has taken he puts in aspirin. So no one knows that the packages are lighter. It still looks like the same amount of blow and no one is the wiser.

One day he ran to our house to tell me this,

"Guess what happened to me today? I was going to buy me some stuff (heroin) and dude who was sellin' it was bubbly (high). I gave him a ten dollar bill and he gave me $20 worth of stuff. I was like whoa! So I gave him two five dollar bills and he gave me two $20 bags. I hurried up and walked away cause I knew he was gonna realize he had made a mistake but he didn't. When I turned the corner and was out of his eyesight I was like man that ain't nothing but God. He just blessed me with some extra blow."

GOD BLESSED HIM WITH SOME EXTRA BLOW!

GOD BLESSED HIM WITH SOME EXTRA BLOW!

Man is you crazy...God ain't blessed you the devil has cursed you. I looked at him like, "You gotta be shittin' me right, you can't be serious?" No he wasn't shittin' me, he was serious. Those extra blows made his day.

My other uncle tried to confront him, asked when he was gonna stop. He said he ain't gon' stop until he is good and ready. These days I call him Uncle Blow. Most people wouldn't know he is on blows but I can tell. His eyes are different when he is high...Hell he even walks different when he is high.

I snapped on him the other day. He came into my room while I was asleep looking for something. He is always keeping something in my room like his tool bag. (He does construction) I was mad though I straight went into him....I was like,

***THIS IS WHERE IT GETS AGGRESSIVE, THE REST OF THE STORY WAS PASSIVE***

"DAMN! What the hell are you doing? Don't you see I am trying to sleep. Cut the muthafucking light off." He replied, "What's wrong with you? Why you talking to me like that?"

"What is wrong with me? You coming in my room waking me up. Fuck. Hell you lucky that's all I said to you. Now cut the damn light off...Shit."

The funny part is he was mad at me for two days, but did I care nope. I just laughed.

I'm telling you this is the mad real world.

Can I Get A Little Love....I Mean Damn!

I've been in a long distance relationship for a year now. Everything was going smoothly....Notice I said "was." I mean there are no real problems except....I never get to see this dude. He has been in the state (we live in the same state not the same city) for approximately 3 weeks and I have yet to see him.

He is an hour away and his schedule is tight, but.... I mean damn, can I get 5 minutes, GEEZ. (Note to self you sound like a complete lame when you say geez) Let me explain the whole schedule thing. He travels an hour and a half to get to school in the morning, he's in school from 8:30 am until 5 pm then he travels back home an hour and a half, studies for a couple of hours, and then goes to bed and does it all over again. He doesn't even have time to call me on most week days. I'm like now wait you can at least call and talk to someone for five minutes no one's schedule is that tight not even the President's. If Bushie can make time to call folks we mere American citizens can too.

Anywho, homeboy is tripping. I have yet to express my feelings to him about the situation. I am trying to be supportive and understanding like a good girlfriend, after all the class that he is taking is almost over (I think next week is his last week) but at the same time there is a part of me having a tantrum like, "Hey what about me...you whooo, remember me the creature with the parts you like." Ok I am really trippin' now.

But still can I get a little love...I mean damn!

I'm telling you this is the mad real world.

Will The Real MOTHERS Please Stand Up

Alright lets get this cracking.
First, no I don't have kids, so I don't understand your point of view, but here is mine anyway.

There are a lot of "Mothers" out here who think they are really raising their children when they are not. Just the other day I had a broad tell me that she raises her children all by herself without help from anybody. I laughed and shooked my head.

I'll tell you why I laughed. For the first 10 years of her son's life (he's only 11) he has been with me every weekend. I am not exaggerating. He was with me so much people swore up and down he was my son. He is my little cousin...His father, my uncle visits his other family the Illinois Department of Corrections quite frequently. My cousin staying with me was my way of picking up the slack for his father not being there.

His mother drops him off with a bag of clothes and nothing else. So who is taking care of him on the weekend? How does he eat? Who bought diapers when he needed them? And for the record she really didn't spend anytime with him during the week if you look at the hours of the day. He goes to school from 8:30-2:30 he goes to an after school program until 6pm. She picks him up at 6, feeds him at 7 and he is in bed by 9. So she spends about 2-3 hours with him.

Now on the weekend he spends the entire 2 and a half days with me and on Saturday he wakes up at the crack of dawn to watch cartoons. Yikes! I have never asked his mother for anything but now I am realizing how truly ungrateful she is. Who do you know keeps their little cousin every weekend? I don't know anybody keeping anybody kids at my age every weekend.

My mother, on the other hand, was with us every weekend and it is four of us. We rarely spent whole weekends with anybody other than her and my father. And after my parents divorced we didn't even spend whole weekends with him, but we'll get on him another time (now that is the story you would want to read).

I would cut this chick a break if she had to work on the weekend or if she was doing something productive but she is not. She is at some club or hanging out with her friends or getting pregnant again. She has 2 other children by different men who she likes to drop off at my house on occasion when she has somewhere important to go. I had to nip that in the bud quick.

I am too young and fly to be stuck in the house with 3 kids that aren't mine on the weekend.

I had to tell that broad a thing or to. Hey lady I've been a young fool for too long but guess what the party is over. Stop the mutha f-ing presses. I'm on strike! GAME OVER!

Don't think that oh that chick she was dealing with is crazy. There are quite a few broads I know who are similar. Some chicks have a different place for their child to go every weekend. This weekend they're at their cousins, next weekend they're at their God parents', weekend after that they are at a friends house, and on and on.

I hate to say it but they are not making mothers the way they used to. Maybe it is because they are having them so young. I can say I do know one young mother who is doing an excellent job with her 5 kids. She has a lot but they are polite and they mind their manners. So a way to be to Shauntrice. She is doing the dang thang.

I'm telling you this is the mad real world.

Drug Dealers Make Perfect Boyfriends...NOT!!!

My best friend Toni is dating a drug dealer. All but one of her boyfriends have been drug dealers. Most of Toni's boyfriends were little nickel and dimers but finally Toni has graduated to the big leagues and caught a big timer or so she thinks.

Toni's boyfriend frequently has other women answering his phone. One woman answered his phone and said, "he just finished eating my pussy, who is this?" another time he was on the phone with Toni and a woman was in the background saying, "that is so rude to be on the phone while I'm sitting here." When Toni asked who is that in the background he just laughed and hung up.

If you hadn't noticed Toni's beau treats her like shit. And I haven't even started to tell you the bullshit he has done to her. She says things like, "he is going to be the one to break my heart and make me look like a fool." I'm like TOO LATE, you already look like a fool, a damn fool. Toni thinks he loves her because on occasion he buys her nice things and he says he loves her when he is not cursing her out or putting her out of his house at 3 o'clock in the morning. Toni kisses everyone in his family's ass.

One day I told Toni that he was trash and so was his Momma. She wanted to know why I said his Momma was trash. Well....first she had him, but that's not a good enough reason....The real reason she is trash is because she is a ho....No really she is a ho...Not kidding a real life Ho. When Toni complains to Momma Ho about her drug dealer son she just says, "Girl you know how he is." Thanx Ma Ho for the help.

My friend Toni is now pregnant by this drug dealer....This isn't the first time, the first baby didn't make it...Which was horrible. We all were so crushed for a long time. When she was pregnant the first time he wasn't there for her. She had to go into the hospital because of complications with the first baby. He actually came and visited. He stayed for 20 minutes. She was there for 5 days. He never called I know because I was there the entire time. Ma Ho called and said she couldn't find her son even though he has 2 cell phones and a home phone. He just disappeared, needless to say she lost the baby.

She was mad at him for a good month somehow he got back in her good graces. And managed to get her pregnant all over again.

Oh wait I forgot something and this is real funny. About two months ago she was at work and he called her. She asked him if he could pick her up something for lunch. She wanted something light and didn't feel like going out he said okay. He showed up to her job with nothing. She asked him where is my food....His reply was classic....He said, "I forgot." Ha! Can you believe that he forgot to get the woman he claims to love and the woman who is carrying his son something to eat. So they both were hungry their son and her. I can't wait to see what happens when she tells him that the baby needs pampers. Anyway the day wasn't a total loss he did bring her something, he just didn't show up there empty handed....He brought her a fake diamond ring. Mind you this man is a big time drug dealer or so they both claim he is, so if "business" is doing good you surely can afford a real diamond no matter how big or small.

I am so bogus I actually told her it was fake. She argued up and down with me, she swears it is real...She said she was going to take it to a jeweler, she has yet to do so. I know what you are thinking how do I know it is fake? Its real simple the rock or piece of glass that is supposed to be a diamond is very large but it is as light as a feather. It would need to be silver, white gold, or platinum that would hold a diamond of that size and that type of material would have a little weight to it. It would not be so light in weight. Its just bogus and it doesn't even shine.

Anyway, I am at my wits end with this broad. She continually does stupid shit all day long and then expects me to be there to support her. I am truly tired of the dumb shit. She doesn't listen and her favorite saying is, "You don't know what you would do if you were in my situation." And I keep telling her I would never allow myself to be in that situation.

I'm telling you this is the mad real world.

You can tell a lot by a picture

Why do some women tilt their heads in every picture?

I was looking at this chicks web page and in every picture her head was tilted. She tilted it to the left and then tilted it to the right. It looked as if her neck wasn't working. Not to mention that looks ghetto as hell.

Another question...Why do pretty women always end up with an ugly man? I pray I don't...lol

I have a friend...who shall remain nameless...who married this guy, who has to be one of the ugliest men in America, easily. She, on the other hand, is drop dead gorgeous. Now I know what everyone is thinking...I am so shallow but really I'm not. I would give dude his props if I could but he has a shitty attitude too. I mean like damn what am I supposed to do....I can't even give him credit for that. He's just all around jacked. To tell you the truth though I think the only reason she is with him is because she knows that she can get whatever she wants from him. I figure she is right because he would do anything to keep that fine woman on his arm.

It's all a trick they're using each other...they so got married for all of the wrong reasons.

Speaking of marriage...
A buddy I grew up with is getting married this summer. When she told me I was like "congrats, way to be," I like high fived her or something....(secretly I think none of us should be married at our age)...anywho...yea! After that she said something that I thought was strange....she was like, "yeah we might as well, we've been together for 4 years," I was internally thinking, "WHAT?"
What is that supposed to mean? So what if you have been together for 4 years that doesn't mean you should marry someone just because you have been together for 4 years. There is no timer set that says, "Oh you've been together for 4 might as well do 40."

What type of ish is that? I was expecting for her to say something traditional like, "We love each other, and I can't imagine my life without him." You know something like that, that soap opera talk....something that would make everybody say, "Awe, thats so sweet." instead I get might as well.

I'm telling you this is the Mad Real World