I Don't Know Shit About Planning A Baby Shower, but I know this

My bestfriend Toni had a baby. He came three months early. I decide that since he has to stay in the hospital for three months that we will just go on and have the baby shower as planned in September. I heard bullshit because of that...I didn't care, kiss my ass I'm throwing this thing so shut up.

There was an uprising. My best friend has 5 sisters who she hardly ever sees (my sisters and I are more like her sisters and she gets angry when I tell anybody she is my best friend and not my sister). Anyway, three of her five blood sisters want to throw the baby shower. I laughed.

Toni (my best friend) was hospitalized for two weeks before her son was born. The doctors were trying to keep him in there (womb) by keeping her on extreme bedrest, but he came out anyway...lol. While she was there none of her sisters came to see her. I hate to toot my own horn but I was there every other day, all day, keeping her company. (Hell I'm an artist my paints travel) She would have these strange cravings for this fried dough ish from Navy Pier and since I don't drive I would walk my ass over there (she was at Northwestern in downtown Chicago so it wasn't that far) or I would sneak her some shit from the "Taste" but that's my homie so it was no big deal, she still trippin' that I did that every other day.

Anywho, these bitches want to pop up out of the blue and throw some ish. They don't come to family functions, dis their pops on his birthday, and they dissed Toni on hers, now they want to get all sisterly and throw a baby shower. I straight had to tell them hoes "Jump back bitches I'm running this show."

Now, in addition to them broads Toni's mother's friend wants to throw the shower. Notice how I said her momma's friend. We don't kick it with this lady. Let me tell you her story. Toni's family has a little cash flow, this lady is broke as hell (hmm she needs a name...let me think....Sister Leech, Sister Con, Sister Broke Ass, Miss Hoover...suckin' up money like a vacuum...yeah I like that) Miss Hoover's ass be taking Toni's momma for all she's got. Luckily she (Toni's Mom) isn't in control of all of the finances because they would be broke as hell with Miss Hoover around. Everytime I turn around they loaning this lady some money for something or either this chick is selling some shit to them.

Why just last Saturday I went with Toni's mother (Ma) to Miss Hoover's apartment and she sold Ma a 5 piece dining room set for $60. I know y'all are thinking sounds like a deal to me but it isn't. Miss Hoover only paid 50 cents for it. She got it from an old white lady at a church rummage sale. I was like damn Hoover strikes again. Anyway, I figured out that she wants to throw the baby shower so that she can stay in Ma's good graces. I laughed at her ass too. Bitch please, I see yo ass...I know what you are up to. I straight told Ma, "Ain't nobody who ain't went to the hospital to visit the baby they so love and want to throw a baby shower for is trumpin' me on this one." So Miss Hoover and the Sisters from Hell can sit the fuck down.

Ma, however, did make me agree to let them help...darn...I respect Ma..so okay..I'll let them help...shoot!

23 days until the shower.

This is just the beginning of this drama in the mad real world.