Men In Jail Say The Darndest Things...
My uncle is back in jail for the hundredth time. He hasn't learned yet and he is about to be 43 years old. He called collect from "Da County" (Cook County Jail for those unfamiliar). He made me call his boss on three way. His boss is a 27 year old who runs the spot. He told him how much it would cost to get him out, $1,500. Dude said he would see what he could do, which means he will probably leave him in there because I am sure my uncle isn't a priority. To tell you the truth, hell I would leave his old ass in there too. I'm sure he is not his most valuable seller. That old ass nigga ain't getting no drug dealer awards. But anyway all of that was the normal part of the story. I'm sad that is normal but anyway...
I hang up with my uncle and he calls right back. He asks me to call another number. Now I am thinking to myself who in the hell could he possibly be trying to call now. When he tells me the area code I realize that it is a Joliet number. Anyway I call it, a white broad answers the phone, and my uncle gives the phone to some other nigga in jail named Dante'.
Alright so let's do a quick recap. My uncle, in jail, calls me collect asking me to make phone calls for him then hangs up and calls back and has me make a phone call for his new jail house buddy. Yeah my uncle has a lot of nerve...I bet you I won't be accepting not "nan nother one."
Anyway, Dante dumbass gets on the phone and starts explaining to this white broad that he needs $5,000 by nine o'clock pm or else they are going to keep him in jail. (To tell y'all the truth I was laughing the whole time I was on the phone hearing this shit) The white broad wasn't trying to hear it. She kept going on and on about how there was no money left (she sounded like a hype, she probably smoked it all up) and then she said I told you nobody loved you but me all of your friends are just going to leave you in there. This bitch was teasing his black ass, like she was trying to teach him a lesson. Then Dante' started begging and hollering (watch how I type this next part to indicate how he sounded...lowercase for begging and pleading, uppercase for hollering)
"baby please come and get me, I CAN'T STAY IN HERE, baby please hurry, GODDAMNIT I CAN'T STAY IN HERE, baby I don't care about the money or the other stuff, JUST GET ME OUT AHH! (Yeah the nigga started hollering...like screaming) baby is you gon' do it? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO JUST GET ME OUT, TONIGHT I'M NOT PLAYING WITH YO ASS, FUCK ALL THAT VISIT SHIT, GET ME OUT!!!! so baby is you gon' do it?"
I was laughing my ass off, I'm thinking this nigga is crazy ass hell. It was like listening to Theo from the Cosby show sing that song "Justine, Justine" mixed with some crazy Hulk Hogan shit. I was thinking he can't control himself please hurry up and get his black ass out. Here is five dollars shit...the entertainment he just gave me was worth at least that much.
After all that the white broad told his ass she would see. Let me tell you his ass is still in there and I will tell you how I know. The white broad called me back at 8:57pm, (3 minutes before the deadline) her smoked out ass couldn't remember why my number was on her caller id...I jogged her memory. Then she asked me, "Do you think if I had brought the money down there by nine they would have let him out?" I told her, "I don't know,"and she replied "Oh well."
Please don't drop the soap if you don't want to get poked in the mad real world. LMAO!
posted by NameLiar at 1:21 AM
6 Comments:
Yo...I am sitting here in total disbelief. Wow.............Dante probably thought he had a keeper too! All that and she ends it with a very non chalant 'oh well'. Wow!
Lmao...sorry!! but I just don't believe some people and the white broad (hype) was trying to be gangsta...that was funny as hell!!
I am still laughing...I can't believe that I was even involved in such craziness. Man I wish I could've taped it or something it was like a sketch from the Dave Chappelle Show.
That was some funny ass shit, thanks for writing that, you are fly! Have some sympathy fo ya peoples tho, Jail is a fucked up place, and Niggas thats locked up all they have is they mouth piece. I guess it's like fishing, you might catch a muthafukka.
That is too crazy. He should of ask'd her for $5,000 plus an extra $20.00 for your phone bill. All that beggin' can run up a ninja's phone bill. That jail house mess aint cheap. Whether it's call's, letter's, or even using up your gas running down there to visit ... you gonna come out the pocket.
P.S.
If there are any jail house folks reading this right now. Please do everybody a favor. If you plan to go back to jail, and you KNOW if your going back or not. Get yourself a "Jail House Account" at your local B of A. Help me, help you. lol. Goodness, sometimes I make myself giggle.
I know exactly what you mean girl. The father of my child is there. And yes becomes very costly. But I can't accept collect calls on my cell phone. But one thing I can say about niggas locked up, they are very resourceful. My child's father calls me, and when I say, "Hello" the automatic system begins speaking, "You have a collect call from........" Then my child's father speaks in complete sentences 40 words per minute, letting me know any information or just general convo (I love you, goonight, enjoy your weekend etc.) within the 5 seconds they give you to say your name. Its funny what they do. But like BossMack said, its a very fucked up place and I feel for anyone locked down.
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