Thursday, January 19, 2006

Wash Your Hands...Ramblings

I want my hands to be clean.

Not in the literal sense in the spiritual sense, wait let me take that back I want them clean in the literal sense as well...lol

I can't go around treating people like trash just because they lie. Why do people lie? I think they lie because they are afraid of the truth. The truth is just to overwhelming for the weak. I was weak the other day. I lied to my ex-boyfriend. I told him that I was still celibate. I failed to mention I was banging a young liar. Maybe my screen name has a bit of truth in it. I know it is not his business what I do but I should've told him it was none of his business instead of spreading lies. I dumped the young one yesterday.

I can't continue this way. I will not become that which I hate. I refuse to become a liar. I have to throw down the pimp cane. I would have to lie to continue down that road. I'm not that person, I have been keeping up that role for almost a year now. I don't want that to be my persona. I want to be known as honest, trusting, loving, loyal, basically a woman of integrity.

Does that mean I will become passive and weak....Hell no. But I will not use manipulation to get what I want. That is just dishonest. If I can't get what I want in truth then it must not be for me.

I've been called spoiled and selfish on more than one occasion by a couple of different people men and women. I didn't see it then and I don't see it now. What am I missing? I don't think I am selfish. I feel like I am very considerate of others and their feelings. More soul searching has to be done. I must not let others core beliefs and judgments change who I am. I'm listening to the Isley Brothers sing..."Don't change, don't change girl..." Thanks Mr. Big.

Am I gonna take that new road or just slip back into the familiar? When I'm angry the old is easy. Split right down the middle one day I'm one way and the next I am another.
My hair is straight, I think it has something to do with the way I am feeling. I haven't had my hair straight and all black since I was a junior in high school. I miss my crazy curly fro. I'm going to wash my hair.

This has been a day in the mind of NameLiar and AimHigher. Our birthday is rapidly approaching 24 we will be, maybe that is why I am tripping in the mad real world.

3 Comments:

Blogger The Brown Blogger said...

That ain't tripping babygirl, that's growth. You are becoming.

That uncontrollable force that you now command so easily... that's your phenomenal power that was gifted to you that you now yield over us men.

Be careful now. You can break us, ya' know. I'm waiting for my glue to dry as i write this.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

You can't drop the pimp cane! Noooooo!

KZ

8:53 AM  
Blogger Chubby Chocolate said...

Hey Name..

Just as long as your honest with yourself. That's all that matters. Stay true to yourself.

8:14 PM  

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